Author Archives: Lorraine

Doritos for women? No. We need silent packaging

You’ve heard by now, certainly. We can look forward to a new snack food, Doritos for Women. They won’t call them that, but in a stunning misfire that made the chips maker, PepsiCo, look pretty stupid, we’ve been told they … Continue reading

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Pillow talk that divulges nothing

A woman approached me as I was trying to decide which duvet cover to purchase. “What do you think of these microfibre ones?” she asked me. She was holding a small package containing a sheet. I was stumped. “Are they … Continue reading

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Empty nest: quieter, but better feathers

I have been an empty nester for about nine months now. If that’s long enough to produce an entire other human being, you would think it would be long enough to produce a different lifestyle. You would think. Instead, I … Continue reading

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As 2017 goes out on a perfect note

Twelve people, three dogs, three cats and a 25 pound turkey taking up the entire oven. We did Christmas on Boxing Day; as children become adults who pair off, it can sometimes be tough navigating colliding schedules. I’ve always been … Continue reading

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If you build it, they will poop … maybe

“I’m coming home on Saturday. I have to build something,” said Ari, 23. He lives an hour away now, but he builds things like desks and tables — which means trips back home to visit his tools, if not his … Continue reading

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You light up my life — a little too much

Six months ago, a large local retailer had light bulbs on sale. They were the spanky new LED bulbs, and they were basically giving them away. Deciding bulbs that used less energy were the way to go, I stocked up. … Continue reading

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Hit the gym, not the trainer

I have started working out again, after a long dry spell and a stern warning from my doctor. “It’s about your bones,” she admonished me. It’s funny how, as we age, we go from thinking “how does my butt look … Continue reading

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Wine, women and bad, bad art

I met up with a bunch of girlfriends the other night at a bar in Toronto. It wasn’t the usual meet-up: we were there to take part in a Paint Night, which is now a thing. You pay a few … Continue reading

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If you buy me gadgets, I will throw them away

The Halloween decorations are finally down (they went up in August), which can only mean one thing: it is officially gadget season. You thought I was gonna say Christmas? No, though it’s understandable why there could be some confusion. This … Continue reading

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I will not scan my own things; I want to protect your job

Saint Lorraine, the champion of lost causes. I know. There is already an official desperation saint – Jude, but my self-anointing act is for a very specific cause: we need to get rid of self-checkouts in stores and iPad ordering … Continue reading

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