Author Archives: Lorraine

Freemasons and The Flintstones: At least one didn’t lie to me

As I tried to stuff Christmas decorations back in the little cold room in the basement, I saw a small box that was familiar. Opening it, I discovered a trove of pins and a tiny book. I recognized it all; … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 2 Comments

My concentration is fine, thank….hey look, a squirrel!

I had intended to write a column about the anti-vaccinators shoving their children into a time capsule back to the 1800s, but I realized I have a word count and can’t just write “stupid” 600 times. Instead, I will use … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 6 Comments

Message received, perfectly loud and unfortunately clear.

I sat in my sister Roz’s kitchen, scrolling through my phone to show her the running stand-up routine that is formed by my son Ari’s texts. Since he got his full licence, the theme is very much all about asking … Continue reading

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Ask a toddler how safe a handgun is

I head home late on Tuesday nights from Toronto, and listen to quiet radio. I’ve found one with John Tesh (stop judging) pretending to be hosting a multitude of stations, including this Canadian one. That man must spend half his … Continue reading

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In some ways, I’d be useful if you got stuck in an elevator

“Because that’s what happens when you elect politicians with no vision who are only interested in saving their jobs,“ I yelled at the television. “You’re doing it again,” said Pammy, quietly. “The people in the TV can’t hear you.” She’s … Continue reading

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I wrote this column while wearing pants. Honest

I refuse to have a camera set up on my computer. Friends say hey, let’s Skype and I say hey, let’s not. Having to care what I look like while I’m sitting here defeats the entire purpose of working at … Continue reading

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When you’re holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail

I have one son who is quite mechanically inclined. He can take something not working and intuitively figure out what is amiss. He can name all the kinds of tools. He doesn’t call things whatchamacallits or thingamajigs. My other son … Continue reading

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Complaints department: closed for 2015

When I ask someone how they are and they say they can’t complain, I mentally scratch my head. I can always complain. I look around me and see nothing but people complaining. Complaining drives reader traffic in our media, it … Continue reading

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A dictator with food issues; old cats and Lysol wipes

I am the owner of an aging pet. That feels like I’m standing up at an anonymous meeting, desperate to find out what 12 steps will bring peace to my household and sanity to my life. Maggie the Cat is … Continue reading

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“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” (Thomas Campbell)

Last year I didn’t put up a Christmas tree because everybody said they didn’t want to do it and they didn’t care. And then on Christmas Eve they all pouted. Imagine my surprise when Ari, 20, announced he would be … Continue reading

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