Author Archives: Lorraine

Colonoscopy prep: turning inside out, fast

“This is the GI Health Centre calling, is Lorraine Sommerfeld there please?” “I’m sorry, she’s out of town just now,” I replied. I delayed a colonoscopy for over a year. I’d been dreading the rotorooter part; I should have been … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 8 Comments

When the natural look just isn’t cutting it anymore

Three times Pammy has asked me to go with her to get a manicure. Three times I’ve said yes. And three times I’ve found a reason not to go Pammy has been dating my son for 5 years. She is … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 5 Comments

When having half a tail means you won the fight

Spring got here overnight. It happens inside at the same time it happens outside; we have two new kittens and they discovered squirrels at the same time the squirrels discovered tossed bread that didn’t immediately disappear beneath a new wave … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 12 Comments

We may get the government we deserve, but who really deserves this?

If you follow American politics, and you really should, you might have seen the latest from one of their elected officials, Nevada assemblywoman Michele Fiore. I don’t really have to put the “R” after her name. You’ll see why in … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 5 Comments

That heart stopping moment when you realize you didn’t brush your teeth

I was halfway between home and my destination, already running late, when I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth. I don’t think this has ever happened before. Brushing my teeth is the second thing I do every day when I … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 3 Comments

Freemasons and The Flintstones: At least one didn’t lie to me

As I tried to stuff Christmas decorations back in the little cold room in the basement, I saw a small box that was familiar. Opening it, I discovered a trove of pins and a tiny book. I recognized it all; … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 2 Comments

My concentration is fine, thank….hey look, a squirrel!

I had intended to write a column about the anti-vaccinators shoving their children into a time capsule back to the 1800s, but I realized I have a word count and can’t just write “stupid” 600 times. Instead, I will use … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 6 Comments

Message received, perfectly loud and unfortunately clear.

I sat in my sister Roz’s kitchen, scrolling through my phone to show her the running stand-up routine that is formed by my son Ari’s texts. Since he got his full licence, the theme is very much all about asking … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 14 Comments

Ask a toddler how safe a handgun is

I head home late on Tuesday nights from Toronto, and listen to quiet radio. I’ve found one with John Tesh (stop judging) pretending to be hosting a multitude of stations, including this Canadian one. That man must spend half his … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 9 Comments

In some ways, I’d be useful if you got stuck in an elevator

“Because that’s what happens when you elect politicians with no vision who are only interested in saving their jobs,“ I yelled at the television. “You’re doing it again,” said Pammy, quietly. “The people in the TV can’t hear you.” She’s … Continue reading

Posted in motherlode | 11 Comments