Author Archives: Lorraine

Hit the gym, not the trainer

I have started working out again, after a long dry spell and a stern warning from my doctor. “It’s about your bones,” she admonished me. It’s funny how, as we age, we go from thinking “how does my butt look … Continue reading

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Wine, women and bad, bad art

I met up with a bunch of girlfriends the other night at a bar in Toronto. It wasn’t the usual meet-up: we were there to take part in a Paint Night, which is now a thing. You pay a few … Continue reading

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If you buy me gadgets, I will throw them away

The Halloween decorations are finally down (they went up in August), which can only mean one thing: it is officially gadget season. You thought I was gonna say Christmas? No, though it’s understandable why there could be some confusion. This … Continue reading

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I will not scan my own things; I want to protect your job

Saint Lorraine, the champion of lost causes. I know. There is already an official desperation saint – Jude, but my self-anointing act is for a very specific cause: we need to get rid of self-checkouts in stores and iPad ordering … Continue reading

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You paid for my breasts; I promise to take good care of them

BRA Day was recently held at Juravinski Hospital. Breast Reconstruction Awareness is an apt acronym; the day is a chance for women to find out what’s happening in the medical field, ask questions and try to ascertain their best course … Continue reading

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Camo, you had one job

You would think a tendency to wear a lot of camouflage clothing would make me less susceptible to sporting noticeable gravy stains. You would be wrong. I started dressing like a 13-year-old boy when Christopher was 14. I simply started … Continue reading

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My trash is not just anyone’s treasure

I missed the “blue binners” controversy in this paper by a few weeks. I was busy having a binner controversy of my own. I am startlingly lazy, which means I don’t return wine and beer bottles and cans to the … Continue reading

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Why adult children are the best

I know people who lament their babies growing up. I am not one of those people. My life is so much easier now that my kids are adults and I am unashamed to admit it. I actually took a holiday … Continue reading

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What if nobody wants your china when you’re gone?

When my mother was dying, she’d make lists and notes — and corner each of her daughters trying to determine where all her things would end up. It wasn’t that we couldn’t have anything we might have wanted, it was … Continue reading

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Birthday cake and onions

This family always celebrated the end of summer and the start of school with a party. Ari’s birthday is the end of August, so it’s been morphing from childhood birthday parties into teenage craziness and now? Well, now it’s a … Continue reading

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