While this adapted (from Vanity Fair) Proust Questionnaire is used as an interview technique, it occurred to me it’s the perfect cottage or patio game. No skill involved; I will go first.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting on the dock watching my kids in the lake before me and knowing my parents are just up the hill behind me.
What is your greatest fear?
Knowing how much it costs to replace that dock.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
The guy trapped in the butt of the Trojan horse. Knew he was part of something big, but never got to see the good stuff.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
That I haven’t been able to invent a Sarcasm Font.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Selfishness. Everybody can afford generosity of spirit.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Boots and leather jackets.
What is your favorite journey?
Anywhere with an open road.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
The reduced look of lines and wrinkles.
On what occasion do you lie?
To get off the phone.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I have a very furrowed brow.
Which living person do you most despise?
Despising anyone is poisoning your own well.
What is your greatest regret?
Wasting too many todays in anticipation of tomorrow.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Ask me at the end of it.
When and where were you happiest?
Sometime before cell phones were invented.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I’d like to be one of those people who clean their house when they’re upset or nervous or angry. The fact I consider this a talent tells you everything you need to know.
What is your current state of mind?
“Well behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My Line of Credit statement.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Getting a decent night’s sleep.
What is your most treasured possession?
I should say something like my mother’s engagement ring, but it’s really all the crap the boys made me in preschool.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The infection from earrings made by a preschooler.
Where would you like to live?
About a mile past where Joe’s barn used to be. Go right at the rock the plow hits every winter.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably how much I love my sons, Christopher and Ayrton. And even more, how much I like them.
What do you most value in your friends?
Who are your favourite writers?
Larry McMurtry for his broken characters, Alice Munro for her perfect short stories, Shirley Jackson for both and Dr. Seuss for every life lesson I’ll ever need.
Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Who are your heroes in real life?
Kids brave enough to ask for help, and the people who help them.
What is it that you most dislike?
Olives and Stephen Harper.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I would prefer to come back as a small, pampered calico cat; I will probably come back as a wasp.
How would you like to die?
I can’t die. I’m the only one who knows where the shed key is.
What is your motto?
Just give it some time. And if you run out of time, pray you come back as a cat.