Who was Nigel Wright?

three bearsWho is Nigel Wright? asks the headline. After landing himself as the prime minister’s chief of staff two years ago, there was a bunch of frothy headlines about this man, a lawyer with degrees from U of T and Harvard, captain of Bay Street, friend of Everyone In the Highest Places. Quite a guy is who this guy is.

When I knew Nigel, he was a little twerp. Sorry, we all were, but he was particularly twerpy. From grades 5 through 8, I attended a segregated enrichment program here in Burlington. 60 of us – 2 classes – of kids were bused to the west end for two years, then to Tecumseh Middle School for the final 2. Grades 7 and 8 are a tumultuous time for kids (you’ll know this if you have kids, or have a decent memory), and we were no different.

Except, we were very different. We were segregated for being smart, the nerds, the browners. Our classrooms were up beside the other special classroom, the one for the kids with learning disabilities. Yes, back then, everybody got segregated. We thought we were special. Looking back, we were not that different from the kids next door. We were trouble to teach, and a handful to manage. I started out grade 8 aged 11. Many of us were that young. Most kids in grade 8 are 13 or 14.

For that alone, you can imagine the difference in appearance. Boys often lag behind girls, which meant we had a lot of boys who were small. Nigel was one of them; he was hardly alone. I thought I was tall, but looking back on school pictures, I was one of the smaller kids. I was still taller than Nigel. He jetted between classes with a briefcase. This wasn’t weird; many of the enrichment boys had briefcases. In retrospect, it was pretty funny. No other kid in the general population of the school had a briefcase, but the nerds had one for every three kids. Yeah. We didn’t stand out much. At all.

Grade 8 is already a pretty horrible age. Awkward uncertainty is meeting up with alien body changes surrounded by everyone else going through similar things. Nigel was the sweetheart, the cute-as-a-button teacher favourite, as well as the girls’. Smart, quick, with a big smile, he was a charmer. His stature mattered little; he walked tall and carried a large briefcase. There were many, many kids in those classes who would go on to great things. We knew it then, and it’s proven true. In the past few years, we’ve caught up again, many of us back in touch for the first time in decades.

They weren’t great years for me. I was an artsy, my sole ability even then stirred only by my love for reading and writing. I was surrounded by math and science whizzes, kids who could devour complex ideas in any subject matter; kids who were so politically and historically astute, the teachers had trouble keeping up. It was a cauldron of immense brain power set to full speed ahead. I was not one of them, and aside from a handful of girlfriends, felt marginalized by my lack of analytic ability.

Nigel could move within any group. He led conversations and was born with his hand up, but it garnered no bad feelings; you couldn’t help but like the guy. The girls would huddle and imagine who would be their boyfriend (even at 11 and 12, it was still the name of the game, as it is ever thus), and Nigel was high up the list.

Red Rose Tea used to put small figurines in their boxes of tea. Many kids traded and collected these assorted ceramic animals. Nigel had several lined up on the shelf in his locker. One afternoon at recess (yes, we still had recess), he came up to me and asked me if I’d “go” with him. That was our tender, innocent version of going steady. As I ranked somewhere near the bottom of the popular girl’s list, this was a shock. To seal the deal, he gave me a Red Rose figurine of the three bears and kissed me chastely under the stairwell just before the bell rang. This was heaven, I thought to myself. I’ve found bliss.

Nigel was in the other class of grade 8s, which meant not being able to sit near my new man nor gloat over my conquest except at the lockers and before the bell. I don’t remember how I got through the last classes of the day. Other girls were used to this; it was a foreign language to me.  I polished my little win like a diamond, wondering what we’d name our children, or when the next field trip would be so I could sit beside him on the bus. Which ever came first.

As the bell went, I headed to my locker clutched in the sisterhood of several friends. As Nigel walked towards me, I shook. I can still see him setting down his briefcase before he spoke to me.

“Can I have the bears back? I’m giving them to someone else.”

Writing this makes me smile. It was a handful of hours in a young girl’s life. It would be several years before I had a boyfriend, but this was, looking back, one of the less painful breakups I’ve had. Do I know who Nigel Wright is? No, not a bit. But once upon a time he was a smart little boy we all had a crush on.

As the group of us have watched his later moves in the public eye, I’ve frequently taken to Facebook, where the enrichment crew meet up in cyberspace if they are so inclined, and I keep asking ‘why’. A few brave souls will join the discussion, while most skirt the topic either because they don’t care or don’t want to be seen. Nigel himself joined our group when invited several years back, but he’s never played. He’s been busy. He also probably knew acknowledging the invite was the proper thing to do, like putting your name on a sign in sheet to prove you were there. He needn’t have worried; outside of my occasional calls for answers to our sorry political state of affairs, there is little discourse within our group, and even less banter. We are not Facebookers.

Nigel has power, of course. But when he moved to the prime minister’s side – a prime minister I abhor – I had a silly fleeting second of thinking, maybe he can change some of this for the better. I forgot, of course, that power and money don’t move to the left. His latest moves are perplexing to me (and I’m sure many) for one reason: he’s not this stupid. He’s just not.

Years later, someone found me a three bears figurine at a flea market. They’re collector’s items, but I lost it in a move. Doesn’t matter; now I’m more like Goldilocks, anyway, searching instead for something that is just right. Funny how nothing in our world seems just right anymore. Not right at all.

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I’m going to hell for posting this…

…but it will be worth it.

I was shopping and errand running in my hybrid car, trying to run only on the electric motor, but the setting is in miles instead of kilometres (last journo had it in the States) so I’m concentrating quite hard as I calculate. My brain is full. I come home, start getting things sorted, wonder if I should be researching more on this car, and I get an email from my sister, Roz:

“Are your toes supposed to have fingerprints on them? If so, I think mine have worn off.”

That is all.

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As looks of fear scud across their faces…

If the LCBO goes on strike, you should know that the strike starts at midnight tonight. That’s right. You don’t have tomorrow – Friday – to stock up. You have tonight.

“Oh, my Lorraine, thank you so much for that valuable information.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

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Dirt Girl

dirt 2Sooo. Got a rototiller last night. Thanks to Sandy (from these comment sections; you may recgonize the name!) who met me at Home Depot with a big ol’ Sprinter and brought it home. She’s coming back later today. Pat (from these comment sections) also offered, but Sandy lives in Burlington and the timing was better. I’ve said it before: I have the best readers. Truly. You guys are awesome.

At Home Depot the guy said, “do you want the instruction manual?” and I’m like, “I’m a chick. Of course I want the instruction manual.” It’s not women who run over their feet with a rototiller. No. We read the instruction manual.

I didn’t put up a before picture of the yard because it made me cry. It was all weeds and dirt and sticks, though some pretty purple and white things were popping through because it’s spring. There were the odd johnny-jump-ups which I love, but Ari just ran them over last night with the rototiller. As I was talking to Christer last night, I stood in the back window and said, “wow, when you were so little, you used to pick handfuls of those johnny-jump-ups in your pudgy little hands and bring them to me. It was darling.’ He of course replied, “what the hell is a johnny-jump-up?”.

The boys plopped the thing in the middle of the yard last night at 5 as I said goodbye to Sandy. They went inside. I put on my work boots and got the thing going. I dug a bunch of grass up. Ari heard the engine, and came back out. It has 3 forward speeds and 2 digger speeds and reverse. It is fun. Ari did a bunch of plowing as I yelled things at him over the noise. Things like, “your grandpa would have loved this!” and “I feel like a farmer!” and “why are you wearing your good loafers?”. He did half the yard and it started to rain. It had rained all day, so the ground was wet. He went in. I went back out ten minutes later and kept going. Well, I couldn’t start it. As I stood there tugging and tugging and sweating Christer came out and asked what I was doing. I told him it wouldn’t start. He said “of course it won’t, you have the choke on.” I said “of course I have the choke on I’m trying to start it.” He said, “it’s already warmed up. No choke.” And he started it. Guess I should have read the manual.

Anyway, I did most of the rest. I like things like this. Ari came back out and finished off the last quarter (I did all the crappy bits that required much backing up and pivoting, which suck; the thing is a huge Honda and it’s heavy). I watched as he essentially got to put the last piece of the puzzle in. I told both boys they’d be doing shifts today to give it another going over.

I just did the whole thing. I thought I’d go just start it, but I did all of it. I figured it’s a great workout, and I haven’t seen Adam in nearly 3 weeks, so I needed a workout. The only reason I can push the thing that much at all is because of Higson; boy has given me arms. The boys are going to have to rake and do under my swing (I tried and kept bopping myself in the shoulder) and tomorrow Roz and Daryl are coming so Daryl can be in charge of seeding. I bought lots of seed and the little shopping cart you use to spread the seed around.

Gilly and Manny are coming over later because my roof is leaking and Manny has to tell me what to do. I’m running out of boys but I’ll never run out of problems, it seems.

Anyway. I’ve made a lot of birds very happy out there. Does anyone know if grinding up all the crud twice is good enough if I pull out the obvious clumps? And no, don’t worry, you can just tell me. I won’t make you come over here and do it. I made that picture smaller and then couldn’t biggen it; that’s about a third of my yard. Pammy just came down and said, “wow, what lovely dirt.”

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Don’t add your parents on Facebook…

embarrassing-dads-facebook-17I stole this from here .But this one cracked me up.

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So, you come here often?

I am old. Dating has changed. A young friend of mine, under 30, has been dating off some websites. She shares her adventures and I shudder. Well, I laugh a lot, too, but there is shuddering. I can’t help but compare all this to being at Sharkey’s in Burlington in the 80s. My friend and I eye each other over a chasm containing a generation.

When I was a kid, we went to England. We visited a trout farm. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of those, but there are big ponds and you can feed the fish. You throw in a handful of pellets, and in that instant you realize the dark water isn’t water, it’s fish, back to back. They boil as they eat the pellets. That’s what it’s like when my darling friend posts a picture on one of these sites. She giggles; I’m scared for her.

She’ll send me her favourite lines. Last night? A guy who opened with, “I have nothing to loose”. Don’t know where to start. This morning? A guy looking for casual sex, but “no sluts, please”. Well, at least he’s polite. Maybe everyone should save time and just print their line on a t-shirt and walk around. Wait. That would weed out all the married guys who contact her. Yes, I wish I were kidding.

Today, she got “glasses make you look like Jodi Arias!”. You know, the woman who was found guilty yesterday of murdering her boyfriend. Way to keep it topical, I guess. “U R a cute girl” came from one spelling bee champ.

She recently asked me how old was too old. Some older guys were pecking at the bait (which is young and smart and beautiful) and she was considering adjusting her parameters. I told her the only way to deal with it was to figure out if they were kind and sincere, good looking and funny, and turn them down gently.

And toss them to me.

 

(I’m kidding.)

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Because I like this column, that’s why…

It’s a rerun from a couple of years ago.

‘I told you to be careful’

My tulip bulbs are planted too far down. I know this, and I forget to fix them every fall. I’ve never bought a tulip bulb; these are the ones my Dad planted decades ago, though I’ve moved them around. Apparently just not well. I was told at the time the squirrels would dig them up, so I pushed them down to safety. Some have rocks on top of them. Some are stranded in odd parts of the yard, pushing through grass and Hostas. And still they come up every spring, their faith in renewal evidently stronger than my ability to kill them.

Growing up, we had a glorious swath of tulips in the garden out front of the house. Strong, huge tulips would burst out every spring. There were so many, I could take large bouquets to my teacher. I would lay a two page section of The Hamilton Spectator on the lawn, and my father would step carefully into the bed and snip tulips and hand them to me. A lot of teachers got tulips from the Sommerfeld girls. My Mom told me one time, in a particularly creative moment, I had rushed around back to gets some baby’s breath to compliment the tulips. The thing was, we didn’t grow baby’s breath; I brought back a couple of sprigs of dill. My parents said nothing; my teacher said nothing. I love when children can be so right even as they get it wrong.

15 years after his death, this is the time of year I feel closest to my Dad. I should be in the garden – his garden – pulling out the last vestiges of this endless winter, raking and digging and discovering the buds of new life. And I would be, but I bunged up my hand in the garage door.

Growing up, we had an old spring loaded garage door that had a mind of its own and a grudge against humans. When I was younger, that door bonked me on the head more times than I can remember. If you went crying to my Dad, he’d say he told you to be careful. On windy days, the smaller door into the garage would slam shut with a fury. If you got in the way and got walloped, my Dad would say he told you to be careful.

I finally replaced that garage door a couple of years ago. The new one rolls up like a dream. It took me two years to shake the spooks about the old door, and I carelessly unrolled the new one with my hand on it last week. Three fingers, mashed. In the midst of the tears and blood – both mine – all I could hear was ‘I told you to be careful’.

So here I sit all crabby-handed, desperate to get outside and be reassured that no matter what leaves, what changes and what dies, there is always new growth and fresh hope. My Mom’s giant Irises will be up soon; they’ve weathered my transplanting techniques far better than the tulips. She was named for these beauties, and I’ve always seen their success in this yard as my Dad’s love letter to my Mom. He renews it every year, and I love the thought that our presence means little if we don’t leave the best of ourselves behind.

I’ll try to remedy the tulips this year, though I know they’ll find a way to bloom no matter what.

Getting it right, even as I get it wrong.

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Crabbyapplesauceface

Now, you know when that’s my title, you’re in for a bitch session.

I’ve been prepping my yard all week because I”d arranged for a rototiller for this weekend. The kids were on standby; I’ve pulled rocks and we’ve bagged weeds and pulled the beds and everything. Pruned, clipped, sawed, bled. Bags and bags of yard waste, piles of bundles, so much work. All ready. Saturday at noon, the rototiller is supposed to be here. I’d call the place a few days before, talked to the guy about what I’d need. I’d arranged to pay a bunch extra to get them to drop it off when he said it wouldn’t fit in my Santa Fe. Fine. It’s a Burlington company, he said they’d be here at noon.

Nope. Not 1, either. I called at 1 – answering machine. “We’re closed at noon, don’t leave a mesage”. Yeah, well, Incomplete Rent-alls in Burlington, here’s my message: thanks. Thanks for that. Not a big deal to you, a very big deal to me. I have a huge fricking yard and arranging to get this done is no small feat. This weekend was turning the whole yard, next week is seeding it. Two teams of people lined up to help, and now I’m screwed. I fired off an email last night, and this morning I get “oh, yeah, sorry about that, we don’t do a lot of deliveries, must have missed it, there’s only two of us and we’re busy’.

Really? If you offer to deliver, I don’t give a crap how many you do or don’t do. And this is peak season, no? Of course you’re busy. Everybody is busy. Maybe this is the way you do business, but it’s disgraceful. And your lame response? Nice work. I can tolerate people learning, I’m cool with errors corrected, but I really, really hate unprofessional. This was unprofessional.

So. Now I’m stuck. My hands are killing me from turning rocks and sawing things, I have sunburn across my plumber’s butt (don’t ask) and my yard is hanging there, waiting. Too.

Sigh.

Oh, and I’m eating Alpha Bits. They were on sale. I get them once a year. They’re fairly awful, but Ari will come down and call me the Wizard of Words, and I shall laugh.

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Blame it on Lorraine

Blame it on Lorraine is back! We (that’s a royal ‘we’; it means Webgod Jeff) had to pull the ‘ask Lorraine a question’ button because I was being attacked by bots (not nearly as much as you might think) and he had to put in a little skill testing question. I will now only get smart bots.

Anyway. We’re back in action. As usual, emails that come are blind; I don’t know where they’ve been sent from. Which is why I haven’t been able to respond to some of the rude ones I’ve received over the years. “No, sir, I don’t do that. I don’t bend that way.”

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Go read Motherlode…

…over there on the left. This is one of my favourites.

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